It's funny how one can be caught up in circumstances that appear beyond one's control. Practice delegates that one can be conscientious and remember that there is always a choice if we choose to acknowledge it. The natural world is the best example of how multifaceted and diverse life can be. It is in these ruminations that I realize, "Oh yeah. That thing I do that no one else can do. That place I go where no one else can follow. Yes, let's go there and find some peace."
After going through 6 years of art school, I am amused and comforted to find that my sketch book musings are still the source of what drives me. Yes, I am thankful for the polish and infrastructure I had learned in school but in the end there was still something missing. I missed that raw thrill of approaching my ideas with the power of abandon. I had begun to heavily censor my own thought process. When the spark of something new would erupt it would immediately go through the "Yes, but will it sell" filter and if it made it past that, over into the "Yes, but will it be cost effective" filter.
Don't get me wrong, being rational often helps head off more than a few disasters, but my working process was soon becoming a downer. After experiencing my first ocular migraine last week, instead of filling the Compazine prescription I was given, I did a little spring cleaning in my head and loosed the Kraken known as Tohellwitheverything! I like her. We get along just fine. After a good sleep, I started to work on sketching all the ideas I want to do but "haven't had time to do."
Harvey has been my aid for 17 years. He's featured on my Facebook avatar and is a wonderful muse. Seeing that he's 17, I should probably put together a bio. In the sketch above, I was inspired by the 2012 Year of the Drago post card exchange project at Baren Forum. There are a few other sources but as I continue with this piece, I'll go more in depth.
Here's a redraw of a tiny thumbnail in one of my sketch books that kept nagging at my mind. I don't know why this image feels so potent in my mind. It feels something like toiling to produce something with your life only to watch some asshole slither up and consume the fruits of your labor. Smell like 99% to you? Oh, Lana, you little buzz kill faerie you!
But, in other updates, YAY! My Dragon Postcard block is finished and now I can make color blocks! Yay! Believe it or not, this block will not be used the postcard. It's a key for the color blocks. You'll see. :-)
5 comments:
I like your prescription - release the Kraken! I had a friend tell me yesterday that "artists are visual bulimic's. They gorge until they have to vomit it up as art." A little raw I know. But sometimes we store up what we want to do in favor of what we feel we must do, to the detriment of our health. I've found that if I keep thinking "will it sell?", etc. then I have no love for my subject. If I love my work, it shows.
You've enumerated the reasons I've always been afraid of art school. But I also feel badly sometimes that I never went. Glad you're still sketching.
I agree with you, that snake image is strong. And your dragon keyblock is beautiful.
I get ocular migraines too. Very scary the first couple of times. I get them less often lately, who knows why.
Wow Lana, your dragon is amazing!
YAY for you Lana! Thanks for expressing what many of us feel but don't release verbally. I understand what you mean about art school. And now I teach, and I still feel caught up in that cycle. Most days I feel locked in a cage with no way to get at what it is I want to do, so I simmer on it, which is good and bad, but not productive. Continue to embrace your inner Kraken--it may turn out to be your best friend. Thanks again for sharing!
Kristine
Annie, I was surprised at how fairly common they are but still find it disturbing. I work to receive income at a neuro ICU and can't help but see this occurrence as a red flag. I'm hoping you have them less often now because your life is more fulfilling now than it was when you were getting the migraines. I'm rooting for you!
Kristine, I feel a Kraken portrait coming on! :-D
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